The BB - The Men Conundrum

a.k.a the Birds & the Bees - the dating scene

Because I like to write about things that I know and that I experience, there is going to be ten billion follow-ups to this first initial. I'm probs going to talk about relationship and dating and courting every Wednesday because it is a big slice of life.

So, I have a fabulous group of friends who all happen to be mostly mature, sometimes girly, and always pragmatic. At least when we look at each other's lives. Some of us are classier than others (haha!) and some of us are more romantic than others and some of us are more content than others. We have girls who literally draw men like honey draws flies, the confident and overlooked, and the quietly self-sufficient - and crosses of all those types. But, at some point, we all have some sort of story that says 'Hi, my name is Jaded. What's yours?'.

So is this what is stopping us from being the best - most amazingly fabulous - us that we can be?

Being a modern girl, I like to think that I'm independent and confident and strong and everything good. This belief has kindasortreally been shaken by my friends. *Simone, *Marie, *Caroline and *Sherry made me face these things. I've had to really face the fact that there is definitely a place where I refuse to look at why I rather be seen one way vs. another. I'm really comfortable with compliments from girls but, for some reason, not so much with boys.

This LEADS ME to my point (I've been winding along, I pronise I do have a point). In the last two weeks, my market value has apparently SKYROCKETED.

I don't know WHAT THE HELL IT IS but I can honestly say that I've gotten more compliments over the last fourteen days than the entire two months prior. And not just the rude slightly leery 'oooh girl you fine, can has yo numba' but the-

"Hey, I just wanted to come over here and tell you that you are very beautiful. I don't even want your number - I just wanted you to know."

...

...

I cannot say that I'm not pleased but I also can't say that I'm not alarmed. So here's what I'm asking fellow femmes out there:

1) Why are we naturally suspicious of men?
2) What the hell am I supposed to do with a genuine compliment from someone who appears to not want anything at all?
3) Why is this suddenly happening?

and most importantly though this def only applies to me out of all my besties at the moment

4) Why are they all over thirty?!!!!

I don't understand it. I might have to rename it something legit and official sounding, like 'THE CHICHI PHENOMENON'.

Hah.

But really - the fact that I'm also considering men who are a decade over my age is sort of baffling and troubling to me, especially when I ragged on some of my mates in the past. I'm sure they'll return the ribbing!!!!

A best friend (who we shall call Victoria) belongs firmly in the 'attracts men like flies' category. She's recently free to mingle and has been pretty damned determined to stay that way. And then BAM the seemingly perfect man comes out of nowhere.

Perfect is a relative effing term, ain't it?

But right now, this boy whom we shall call Ben, is hitting all the right targets and saying all the right things and making all the right moves. The present he got her for her bday is worthy of jealousy. And Vicky, my poor dear, is stressed the hell out. She's also the kind of person I secretly think of as a bit of a Cinderella. Her standards are high. Her men literally need to read romance novels and watch chick flicks to figure out how to make her happy. She doesn't want to be in a relationship. But Benny boy is looking really really good.

So some of you might be asking - okay what's the problem? But what if you don't want to like someone because that means you actually have to care more about what he thinks than you should? IT'S TRUE. Because you're overthinking something that should be fun and breezy and easy! And now you feel freaking DESPERATE because you don't want to like this boy. Man. Whatever.

Her question, which I relay to you, is -

1) If we know that we're going to get jaded, what's the point?
2) If I don't want to like him, then how am I supposed to break this off?

3) And if I do break this off, then what does this say about me? Am I too jaded to have a relationship? Am I too cynical? Did I handle it the best way?

Bottom line is dating is stressful. Being liked or liking someone is stressful. Even a simple 'crush' can give anyone a coronary. But it's supposed to be a fact of life. So, if you've come to a place we're the male/female (or m/m or f/f, whatever you're into) is looking like a damned hunt in a safari, then it's time to step back and re-evaluate. I say Vicky should coast for a few more days and then see if it's getting so serious that she honest-to-goodness can't think about anything besides Ben. I say Vicky should come to terms with being the kind of girl who is always open to a relationship, and can't be GUARDED and single.

What say you?