Crossroads I

As usual, my summer has been chock full of drama. Between the arrival of my grandma, the passing of a friend I looked up to, and the nonsense that my parents continually introduce to my life, I have a feeling that I'm at a point in my life that is incredibly important.

I realize I am at a crossroads.

I feel like what I decide from this point, this day, this moment onwards is going to change the rest of my existence. I think anyone with a dream who isn't living their dream comes to this point. The unknown is greater than the knowledge of the known but what if the path your own isn't necessarily known either? Which is better - to stay on the one while reaching for the other, or to abandon the one to fully go for the other?

Which  is easier?

It would be waaaaay easier to do if one dream wasn't mutually exclusive to another. And I have many many dreams - but the two biggest ones couldn't be further from each other on the spectrum. So here I am, deciding to go after the other dream somehow because man I want to singSINGsingsing.s.i.n.g.sing. Ooh Lawd, I want to sing! But if you want to sing, you have to run the entire circuit. You have to perform around your city and at your school, you have to travel, you have to leave.

I have to leave.

And I still have shizza to do here since I'm a college senior.

It's not that I doubt my dream. It's that I doubt the timeliness of pursuing it. Because, hell, let's be real - if I got a callback, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I would drop everything to pursue it. I would go at it like it was life and death. Because it is a matter of life and death. What would I do without some source of music in my life?

But then there's school. Which I love for the experience and not necessarily for the academics. It would be an easy choice between class and music. Hahaha, it'd be like..zero choice really. But 'school' is tied into 'family' and if they're paying for it, then I damn well need to finish up my shit and then go after what I want. Which is kind of a problem since I'm already sort of planning on either LA or Houston next month.

So what has been decided?

Hell if I know!

zzzzZZZzzz

I don't know what it is about this new job but for the last two days (which is about as long as I've have had it), I've been zoning the heck out after I get home. The first day I lasted until around 6:00PM, an hour after I returned, before sleeping until 11. Yesterday, I got home the same time and was passed out by 6PM (AGAIN!). You want to know when I woke up?

6:45AM this morning.

Which, coincidentally, is late.

This morning nothing went my way. Woke up late, made the life-altering decision between packing lunch and doing my make-up, ran out the door and STILL MISSED THE BUS. Um, let me sidetrack everyone and myself for a minute.

Does anyone else absolutely hate the I-miss-the-bus experience? I mean, no one likes to miss the bus. But the fat juicy cherry on top of that disgusting ice-cream cone is the I-made-eye-contact-with-the-bus-driver-before-I-missed-the-bus. This woman looked me dead in the eyes as she proceeded to roll on pass me. She sure did. She knew exactly what she was doing when she made the executive decision to keep driving instead of maybe giving me the two minutes it would have taken for me to run the rest of the way.

I bet you her thought process even included a 'Yeah...should I? What would Jesus do? *shrugs* Well, I ain't Him so buh bye!" And apparently SomeCity's shitty public transportation buses stop running constantly after 7:11AM. I had to wait another twenty minutes for the next time and if I had known that I tots would have gone home and just made lunch! But I didn't so I sat there looking extra pissed and extra sweaty and extra nonsensical before the next bus came. And after the first two days of being twenty minutes early to work when a chill supervisor was around, the freaking day a NON-chill supervisor was around was the day that
a) he took everyone up to the work floor early
b) I rolled in 5 minutes later.
He as good as told me that he was considering writing me up.

Yaay.

Awesomesauce.

It was only sheer power of will that kept my pleasant smile on my face after that!

Also, I've been trying to figure out how I can squeeze a visit to Houston in at the end of August but TIMES IS HARD, Y'ALL! Times is hard. I'm still really hoping that this can work out for me. I might have to rob a bank or sell my body but gotdamnit that's the plan.

Peacing out.

P.S. I'm going to try to stay up past 6 today but gosh, I feel the heaviness settling in already...

All I Do Is Win Win Win...

Also known as 'Why I Got Sent Home on My First Day at Work'.

It's only 12:31PM and I feel as if I've already lived a full day and must lie down to recuperate. The only freaking way to begin to explain is to break this ish down for you in a timeline that goes back to last night, when I decided to go to bed. I work at a Call Center, the training of which is apparently a few weeks. Today is the first day of training, which runs from 8 to 4.

Or for me...8 to freaking 10:00.

Whatever, not getting ahead of myself.

Monday Night/ Tuesday Morning

12:00AM 

Thinking to myself I should probably go to bed. Distracted by DYAC.com

12:04AM

Toni says the weirdest things. She really just told me her calves are a sack of fat.

12:05AM

Googling 'fat in calves'. Intrigued. Reading.

12:10AM

Have every intention to log off skype, really, but dyac.com pulls me in again.

12:15AM

Have moved on to fanfiction.net, avidly reading a very strange story that leaves me with unrealistic expectations about romance and castles. Which I already have, thank you very much Disney.

12:45AM

Again, thinking should go to bed. Stare at clock...stare at laptop...roll over and stare at clock again...return to fanfiction.

1:20AM

Finally talk myself into closing laptop. It is a success. Now staring at ceiling and thinking 'OMG the beds at parents' house is just too firm'.

1:25AM

zzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzz

4:19AM

Wake up terrified. Why? Dreamt that my job was in Washington and I woke up late and somehow missed it? Very involved and complex, complete with 'you're fired' scene. Turn on laptop to stare at clock. Sigh in relief. Return to sleep.

5:50AM

Nearly break my neck when first alarm clock goes off in ear. Right. In. Ear. Rollover, back to sleep.

6:10

Another alarm clock, same ritual.

6:18AM

Jolt out of bed, remembering that a) I have sh!t to print before work b) the first bus leaves at 6:50 c) I dont really know my way around the transportation system d)I need to look human, at the very least.

6:20AM

Wondering what the f&%$ is going on with Uaccess because it apparently is out to get me. Hello? Transcript printout?

6:30AM

Practically in bathrobe, ranting in whispers because rest of family is asleep and uaccess is STILL being crazy. Cue running to bathroom to pee.

6:35AM

SUCCESS. uaccess is not a douche anymore and I love it. Printing underway. Dressing self-underway.

6:41AM

Holy sh!t, I'm not completely dressed. I need to pee again. Checking bus route, run to grab paper, trip and almost faceplant, give up on paper, try to memorize transfers. Realize bus route is 0.33miles away, according to Google Map, which translates into how much walking?!

6:44AM

Memorization fail. Toss entire laptop into purse, forget make-up, leave house.

6:45AM

Power-walk.

6:46AM

Power jog.

6:47AM

Disaster. Not only do I trip and almost faceplant, when I get the hell up and start moving, I run smackdab into a bumblebee. Really? Really, Lord? Really, life? A BUMBLE FREAKING BEE. As I make contact with this irridiscent creature, I hear the hum of the damned bus as it DRIVES PAST ME. A FULL THREE MINUTES EARLY.

6:48AM

I am running, hoping against hope that I might somehow cover that 0.2miles left in 60 seconds. I am also cursing because Mr. Bumblebee is caught in my hair. 

In. 

My.

Hair.

I am running, with a bumble bee caught in my hair.

6:49AM

My poor eyesight somehow manages to see that a disabled person is getting on the bus. Still running. Half  a block left. With one more flick, Mr. BumbleBee is free to buzz along and eff up someone else's day.

6:50AM

BOOYAH. 

Pull up as that bus drive is about to pull away and bang on that door like I'm a pissed Bad Girl at the entrance to the Bad Girl Mansion. And she whips that door open like she's trying to avoid a toaster oven flying at her head. I don't know if my smile made her feel better or more alarmed...

7:20AM

Finally get off at the right stop. What the hell, City? Why is everything spaced so far apart?!!! 

7:23AM

Walking to where I need to go. Wondering what exactly sweat is made of...I mean, is it purely water? Isn't it salty? And if it is salt is it like salt that comes from your body or like salt from your skin? And why do some people sweat more than others? Is it like a protective mechanism? Sh!t, my shirt is soaked.

7:30AM

Hm, this place is not looking familiar. At all. Like...at all. This is totally not where my job is located...

7:32AM

Backtrack. 

7:37

After a half a mile, I'm finally in the right place. And with 20mins to spare, FIST PUMP.

7:40AM

Bored.

7:45AM

Bored.

8:10AM

Bored but people-watching. Wasn't this thing supposed to start at 8?

8:25AM

We finally get to go up. It's pleasantly awkward in the large group. It's like that first day in high school if you went to a brand new school with lots of new people. Everyone's trying to look cool (yeah, I def didnt take my sunglasses off until I absolutely had to). Most people are trying to avoid eye contact. The males can be divided into three groups - avoid eye contact, avoid eye contact and attempt to look cool, look around interestedly. The girls have an extra group... the 'talk randomly to friend or bystander' group. I don't like silence. Guess which group I'm in?

8:33AM

Were no higher-ups informed that they would have a sh!tload of people in here doing training? The computers are old as sin, which really means they're at least 4 years old, and we're using Internet Explorer. Do people still use that browser? Hasn't everyone upgraded to Google Chrome or Firefox?

9:00

Yeah...no.

Nothing has really been accomplished.

Lots of chaos. But I've made two new friends!

9:30

These computers are on their last effing life line. Literally, rebooting whenever they feel like. At least me and the new homies are entertaining ourselves. 

9:40AM

Amusing myself with doodling. Asking neighbors if they think one doodle looks like a camel. Response? "Hmm, sort of, yeah". I am pleased. I draw a bigger one.

10:00

A boss lady asks for information. I stand. The woman eyes my pants and asks if I can step outside.

10:01AM

"Miss, your pants are too short." ...my pants...are too short...? "I need to talk to a supervisor so we can figure out what to do with you, young lady.."

Uh. My pants are not shorts. They are lower than mid-thigh. They don't say 'Hey, I'm the slutty coworker' nor do they say 'I wish I weren't wearing anything at all'. They are not too long and not too short. They are perfect. I am offended. Boss lady marches off. What?

10:05AM

"I'm so sorry but we'll have to send you home immediately. Is there anyway you can come back?" Come back? Brain goes blank. I'm picturing two words. One begins with an 'f' and the other is 'no'. Whatever I'm thinking is translated to face. I know this because she winces. She does not wait for me to speak.

Smart lady.

"That's fine then. We'll see you tomorrow."

10:10AM

Leaving building. Satan has decided to send along something to rub this in my face. That 'something' is a man in a very nice car who whistles. When I look back, which I really didn't mean to, he yells 'Nice pants'.

Yes.

They are.

Except they're 'too short'.

Thanks for the reminder, jerkoff!

...

...

...

All I do is win win win no matter what, right?

Can We Just Talk About...

...the fact that college towns like mine have absolutely nothing on college towns like yours?!

SomeCity, SomeState USA is home to what...a little over a million people, combined metro and city populations. It's the 30-something largest city in the United States and is apparently the largest city in SomeState, USA. I don't know if I believe this because when I head up to visit OtherCity, SomeState two hours away I definitely feel like there are way more people there than here.

That aside, summer for college towns means ZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZZZz. But for a college student who actually lives in their college town, summer really means the death of a social life. For a college student who is not 21 yet and lives in their college town, summer can be likened to the moment Draco Malfoy had to try and kill Dumbledore:  horrifying, terrifying, and possibly the end of all shreds of innocence you used to hold on to.

Yep, I just threw an HP ref in there.

What is there to do in the summer? Well, for fun places like Austin, TX or New Orleans, LA I think they call it...hm, what's that word I'm looking for? Oh, yes FUN. There are fun things to do in places like that where they may be down in numbers on college students but have managed to create a day and night life that will survive without said students. There are maybe three notable clubs here and a slew of bars downtown and in and around the college campus. But let us really repeat the key ingredient to this dismal lack of a life - I AM NOT TWENTY-ONE. Not only am I not twenty one, but I am in possession of something most kids my age are not - a conscience.


Where does this conscience come from? Part of it is that I'm Christian (and I can practically feel the Bible giving me a stout side-eye whenever I stray) and the other part of it is that I am naturally a goody-two-shoes. I can't help it!!! This conscience makes it hard for me to do things that are not exactly legal. Although everyone's done their share of nonsense (hello? freshman year at college? you're supposed to gain that freshman fifteen through sheer alcohol drinking ALONE), but I just am not inclined to go all out! This also makes it difficult for me to obtain a fake because I'm way too lazy to do it now that I'm only six months from freedom and I'd probably not be any good at pretending I'm twenty-one. I can imagine it now...

"Miss? It says here you're 5'8 when you're clearly over 6'0 feet in heels."
"stutter stutter mumble Ahem-"
"I'm sorry what was that?"
"These are...uh...5 inch heels so it makes sense that I'm over 6'0 feet, Mr. Bouncer...err...sir."
"It also looks like you're Caucasian and blonde in this picture ID."
"...wait...it does?!"


Smh. Too much drama. I would like to keep my record squeaky freakin' clean, thank ya very much!


Meh.

Just about the only things to look forward to are 1) great movies and 2) great food. The first depends on what you like and the second is a product of us being so close to the border. Some of the absolute best places to eat are the tiny super local places where everything on the menu is less than four bucks! God knows many a night after a party during the school year, that Mexican food does me RIGHT.

Anything beyond great movies or great food is either to expensive or too time-consuming to make happen.

A Few of My Favorite Things

I like looking at things. I also enjoy eating...like a lot. This list is not in order of how much I like 'em.

1) Don't judge me - I make the list! (Nah, jk...sort of...)

1A) Another day in the mind of Love's Child. So I recently got turned on to ABG, provided by issa rae on youtube. She's a young script writer, director, and producer of the web series of 'The MisAdventures of Awkward Black Girl and Friends', and boy is this stuff golden! At first, I was a teensy bit skeptical when my bff Ariel put me on to this but she rarely ever shows me something that I end up disliking so I should have known. What it is is comedy in a box. The videos are never much longer than 12 minutes and flow in somewhat sequential order (meaning there's a continuity from ep to ep). Like the cast says in their last video, they represent some of both the well-known and not well-known black characters. Apparently it's in the works to be made into half an hour cable television programming? PSHHT GO 'HEAD, GO 'HEAD.

It's hilars! Check it! http://www.youtube.com/user/actingrl112#p/c/379FB6BBC58E28B3/2/GzGHeZSwgCA

2) Another goodie thanks to youtube.
I love following youtube stars and I like discovering good covers of songs. Thanks to my love for such diversity, I've found a bunch of people who really have the cajones to be stars. Two such stars are Pmac and JVoqalz. Check it if you can!

3) Fanfiction! People either love it or hate and I love love love it and I've loved it since freshman year high school. If you want to write at some point, you should practice on there (Again, don't judge me but I lurve the dramione community).

4) the web. You can find anything you want to on here. In the olden days, we used to believe whatever was on tv was the truth. Now if it's on Google, we believe it. Shit, I'll believe it if it's on wikipedia!!!!!

5) twitter. Now that I'm there, I realize how Satanic that thing is! It's all about you and you want as many people to follow you as possible! I do. Which is why I want you to follow me on twitter @ ChiChiOhh especially since I promise I'll be a superstar soonish.

Herro WORLD

This post is solely for my benefit. Please excuse me while I type the equivalent of a verbal scream -

KSDMFNLKDJSF LSHFIAWT9R8Q]3[RId fr8q301 =[ ` ]'[ q2hdelqdfvkaqjlfqaoiwwi

fiaq2qeuwasfndkvgdlfp;jKIBFRDJHSGVSFRI8TRWE3FJNMESRKG FXV NZLVFPA9RIQ320T4G[]DFHB52FVG5N BGXFN LFGMBLDMSZ

Back to our regularly scheduled programming!

So hello world! It's me, Love'sChild (known in some circles as the most fabulous thing the world has ever seen, but hey, who wants to know?). I've stopped and started many many many a blog but this one is going to stay. I have a feeling that this one will stick around - or perhaps, I'll stick around and as a consequence this one will too.

I'm a college senior at SomeCity, SomeState USA and I have to be honest - I'm still figuring out what I want to do with my life. I've spent a bunch of time just hohumming as I floated along on a sea of lazy indifference and I figure that it's about time I quit that. I need to hop up off my booty and do something with my life!

So I sat down and thought - hmm, what should I do?

This manner of thinking is...well...alright, it didn't yield too much immediately. It took a little bit of snacking and TV watching (okay fine, i was a total fatty and ate brownies and ice cream in front of LMN movies) for the question to really be answered. And you'll never believe what I came up with (because GOD knows it's like the most original like idea like ever!) -

I want to be famous.

Now, before we get our undies in a bunch, I should clarify. I want to be famous only because that's a way for me to effect immediate change on a significant amount of the world's population. I'm a normal girl with bigger than normal dreams, and the key hear is the plurality! The disenchanted older population always blah blah blah on and on about how we (the nondisenchanted...er...younger people?!) think we can have it all.

But, damnit, why can't I?!

So I want to be famous because I have a story to tell and a voice to tell it with and I think what I have to say is worth listening to. I think my experiences and my take on life in general can enrich the world. I think I can sang and I want to go out and paint pictures and dreams with my voice. Better than that, my voice is strong enough to tell others' stories and speak life into others dreams and I wantneedgotta a chance to do that. I'm not the first to innately believe this about myself, nor will I be the last.

But I can guarantee you that I'll do my damnedest to make it happen for me or die trying.

It's hilarious that all this self-assured motivation has come out of nowhere and slapped me upside the head around the venerable age of twenty. Where was all this drive before? All this focus? Psht, who the hell knows? I sure don't. In any case - I'm Love's Child and I'd like to say-

Hello, World. It'll be a pleasure working with ya!